Sometimes I dream of moving to back to China so I could live where I was born and learn the language that’s the most spoken in the world. I often wonder what it would be like to always be surrounded by people who share my ethnicity and look more like me than the people I’ve always been around for most of my life. Would moving back to my motherland make me an expatriat? I have no idea. 

Sometimes I dream of becoming an FBI agent so that I could live near DC and do work that brings about justice. I would want to be the person who cyberstalks the bad guys, digging deep into every aspect of their lives in order to find them and help put a stop to their evil. I dream of doing work that makes me feel part of something bigger, demands strength, and carries with it a sense of importance and purpose that helps make the world a better place.

Sometimes I dream of going back to school to become a mental health counselor because I know how beneficial and helpful it’s been for me to have my own. I want to give that gift to others. I hope in some ways, I already do.

Sometimes I dream of going to seminary because I want to learn more about church history, theology, ministry and missions. I deeply love the Lord and learning more about Him, and think that a structured and formal setting would help me stay consistent and committed to showing up to learn.

Sometimes I dream of working for the ERLC, because I love how their organization is applying whole-life, gospel ethics in the public sphere, and it helps that their office locations are in cities I think I’d enjoy living in.

Sometimes (a lot of times) I dream of not working and instead dabbling in whatever hobby has captured my attention and efforts at the moment. I have a never-ending list of projects that I want to tend to that include but are not limited to writing, web design, cross-stitching, piano, quilting, clothes-making, painting, and photo album-ing. I dream of having the time and discipline to make progress with all of these.

Sometimes I dream of being a nomad and staying in multiple cities every year. I want to see and experience as much of the globe as possible, and sometimes that seems like the only way to make it happen.

Most of the time I dream of living a simple and quiet life, while also dreaming of living an adventurous one, and wonder how I can make those two options coexist at such a time as this. Then I remember a phrase I heard from an older, wiser woman about having it all: “You can have it all, just not all at once.” 

Other times I look at my life and the current context of it, and remember that there is beauty and purpose in its present state, even while I hold those other dreams that seem far-off and far-fetched with open hands.

So I consider all of these things I dream of, trusting that the God who sees and created me knows the desires of my heart and will provide for me in His perfect timing. It might not look like what I imagined or hoped for, and some of these dreams may change or never come to fruition, but I can rest assured that what is to come from Him will be His best for me and for His glory.

 

This post was inspired by Ashlee Gadd, whose dreams were fun to read and made me want to write down my own as I have my every-few-month existential crises at the wonderful age of 25 when a quarter-life crisis is understandable.

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